The Museum Of Archaic Vocabulary

I left work early today and decided to go to Gwags.  Gwags is an outsketch of Abuja about 45minutes drive from the city. The distance is much and can be a bit boring especially if there is nothing to crack your ribs.

Wuse was quite busy this evening with buyers and sellers at the car park, workers returning from work and drivers and conductors searching for passengers. How a particular driver caught everyones attention got me quaking with laughter. An averaged height man in his early 40s, dark in complexion, with a good sense of humor from what i saw. He kept shouting Gwags by air, Gwags by air. He was just funny like that.

I entered his taxi and sat beside a very tall lady. She was really tall, taller than i am. Her long legs like a bamboo prevented me from stretching mine so i had to bear with her. In less than 5minutes the taxi got filled with passengers and we left for gwags immediately.

I think the situation of things in the country has really gone sour and most people believe the present administration has no agenda for Nigeria. A lot of arguements came up in the taxi, passengers were begining to attack each other verbally and from no where i heard the word balderdash. What a vocabulary i said to myself and smiled. The word reminded me of my favourite uncle “The Heavy Guy Man” as we fondly called him. So i have decided to tell you a little about him.

The heavy guy man was an alcohol enthuasiast a probably damaged liver i guess. I still remember seeing bottles of Seaman and Calypso in his living room those times i visited, he called it “Oyibo Kai Kai”. Cooking was part of his hubby , whenever he was off from work his wife begged him to leave the kitchen, he would tease her and say “dont worry when i’m done you will know i cook better than you do”. He loved to speak with big outdated words just to make himself appear like one who is learned and well exposed. He used words like Cankrum, Diot, Cap a pie, Flabagasted, Balderdash, Betimes, etc and whenever you made him angry he didnt care if you were a male or a female he would call you a swain. As a child i was so proud to hear him speak and would say to my friends, thats my uncle. I got to high school and discovered the heavy guy man didn’t know the meaning of the words he used, he was just a museum of archaic vocabulary, always ready to show off , very juvial and fun to be with. 

Sadly we lost him after a brief illness. Whenever i remember him i’m always happy because he lived and was just being himself… 

Thanks for reading this. Please drop your comments and lets create a museum for archaic/old fashioned words.

Author: stellasmind

I could sell my soul for springle

3 thoughts on “The Museum Of Archaic Vocabulary”

  1. As someone who likes playing scrabble, I often use words without knowing their meaning (and I don’t even care). 🙂 I hope you enjoy this poem I made in 2013:

    SCRABBLE HEAD

    Unai duumviri unci
    Serai sartorii duci
    Ambo jnana momus blenny
    Mako agama mho mu splenii
    Sequoia vitric residua moxie
    Sei oidia yttric rishi qua poxy
    Coots pah, limbo gran ulema
    Chutzpah, lymphogranuloma
    Oe puzzle toque ruth?
    Eau mazeltov crwth!

    Ich noo fink alef agentry pood gadi
    awa hey ar saul jabot..
    If you think I have a pretty good idea
    of what they are all about..
    Nth uvea bott krubi degami
    Then you have got to be kidding me!!

    PS: All are playable words in scrabble 🍸

    Liked by 1 person

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